2016 Happy New Year

Happy New Year! The beginning of a new year gives us time to reflect upon the year just ended and dream, plan, plus envision the year to be. I am no different! Last year my goal was not to make resolutions but to live more! We lived more at times and fell into a rut at others, we made it through together and intact.

2016 my mantra is "Grateful" . In a world full of despair, unrest, and continual changes and challenges we have to embrace what we are grateful for. Stop wishing for more, no don't stop dreaming but take time to be Grateful.

I have much to be grateful for. Health. We face many health challenges each day and we deal with them. Grateful for modern medicine to help with our health challenges. Grateful for three busy loving giving spirited kids. Yes they make messes and are noisy and ask 10000000 questions but it shows curiosity and a desire to learn more. Those three are going places. (I might be a bit biased!). Grateful for a loving husband. He might drive me bananas and not always "tell me" how much he cares or what I want to hear but he is one for the most action driven loving people in the world, I have to stop and appreciate him more. He cooks, he helps with the kids, he works hard to provide for our family, he supports me (not always verbally but he keeps me straight). Grateful for a wonderful supporting family. Dad, Sister, Mother In Law, Sister in Law they all love me for me and are so important to be grateful for! Friends, I am forever grateful for my friends. My friends that are closer to me than family. New friends forged through life changes, life experiences; old friends who have been through the changes, challenges, times of ungratefulness. My kids' friends who are embracing, caring, fun, push my kids out of the comfort zones on occasion, loyal, patient.

Stop breath, Count your blessings, be grateful for the gifts you have been given. No one has the same gift or talents, embrace yours and don't discount others for you don't know the struggles they face. Be kind, compassionate and love others.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you not to harm you."

Grateful for those in the snapshot and many more!

Summer #1 with Diabetes

Summer #1,is in the books, school has started back up.

Summer is fun! Summer is busy! Summer is crazy! Summer 2015 has not disappointed!

The flow of our summer
^Grandma Cheri retired after 30ish years of teaching
^Julia turned 4
^We went fishing at the lake
^T-ball finally started for both Layton and Julia
^First Livestock show with Lily and Spots (epic learning experience with one heifer in heat the other coming in heat)
^Insert first CGM - a godsend at harvest to help understand highs, lows, and everything in between
^Poore Family Harvest
^Hopkins Family Harvest
^Mountain trip - two nights in a tent with Evan, Layton, Julia and I. It was fun and cool and relaxing and beautiful and full of giggles
^Swimming party - my attempt to redeem the horror of canceling his bowling birthday party! Swimming party was successful! Lots of friends, fun, sun, first time off the diving boards, the "big slides", smiles, giggles galore
^Fair x2 (Greeley County and Rooks County)
 - bucket calf showing
 -horseback riding
 -carnival rides
 -rodeos
 -fun foods
^All School Plainview Reunion
^Visit to friend's cabin and panning for gold!
^Start of school

Diabetes summer update. Layton is hanging tough and not slowing down. He now has a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) The meter gives us updated blood glucose numbers every 5 minutes, it's not a perfect science but it cuts down on finger pokes by almost half. He still has finger poke checks morning, noon and supper time since those times insulin is administered. As a kid he has a hard time fully understanding if he's hot, low, dropping quickly, or all the other random stuff that goes on in his body. The CGM is extremely helpful at school to aid in snack decisions, classroom activity plus nighttime highs and lows. It has built in alarms to sound for high and low blood sugars allowing us to react as close to a working pancreas could.

Fall will bring a new season, new allergies, cold and flu season, fall harvest, Halloween, Thanksgiving and more firsts as we approach his Diaversary.

We give Thanks each day for our blessings and the grace to learn and adapt.

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to my husband Evan. 11 years. 11 years ago you gave me your last name and promised to love, honor and cherish me forever in sickness and in health for richer or poorer. Every single day you have held our vows, been my rock, kept me grounded. 11 years, 3 kids, 2 houses, death of a parent, grandparents, a couple of pets, life changing health diagnosis for our oldest son plus all the good times. Mountain vacations, road trips, working together, starting the kids cattle herd, lake trips, 4 wheeler rides, drives through the county checking ground. Every day has not been easy, yet we have stuck together, grown stronger together, laughed, cried (more my tears than ever yours :) ), and held together.

Evan, you are one thing I can always count on, that and you never sugar coating anything. No matter how hard something is to hear, you tell me in blunt honesty. We may not have a love story others are jealous of, a storybook fairy tale, but we have a deep love, respect and appreciation for each other I want our kids to someday find spouses to be as loving, dependable, faithful, and hardworking as you are for us. Thank you for loving me every single day. Cheers to 100 more years together, there is no one else I want by my side. Love you!

New Emotions

As a Momma your emotions and thoughts are all over the place normally (I won't bore you with the average number of thoughts a mother has in a minute, let alone an hour). In less than 365 days throw in the birth of baby #3, loss of a mother, hormones, and a lifetime diagnosis of diabetes for your child - BAR the DOOR and get out of the town, Momma is riding the CRAZY Train. As patient and normal as she tries to be, there is no denying. ......

For now, I'll focus mostly on the new thoughts and emotions related to diabetes in our family.

Unfairness
Pity
Doubt
Relief
Scared
Nervous
Love
Pride
Gratefulness
Courage
Determination

Things that have flew through my mind
class parties
bullying (not happening yet, but always a future concern)
sleepovers
overnight camp
vacations
traveling short distances
air travel
sports
sibling testing
drinking
rebelling

Words that took on a new meaning
lows
highs
pumps
food
carb counting
sugar free
type 1
type 2
glucacon
sick days
watch

How's Layton?

In the next few posts my blog is turning into my personal online diary of sorts. My mind and soul sometimes just needs to "talk it out" yes, I talk to myself frequently (and my sister too)! Full conversations at times, yes, me being my own therapist!

How's Layton? Layton has shown such amazing strength, resilience, tenacity, adventure, courage, he is wise and mature beyond his years (yes, he can slip into behavior reminding me he's 6 and a little boy yet) he has made my heart swell with pride, love, compassion and everything good a mother can say about her child. We have had a few bumps in the 4 week road with diabetes but Layton has handled each one with grace. Layton has taught me how to be strong and push self doubt to the side. In 4 weeks, he has only had 5-6 bouts of self pity and sulking - less than 1 hour in total combined length. Me....I've shed hours worth of tears for him.

His self pity bouts are 100% human, normal and natural and very far and few between...
1. The realization Type I diabetes is forever. Frequent blood tests and shots are a new normal.
2. No one gave him diabetes and he can't give anyone diabetes.
3. No more liquid sugar (no fruit juice, no Gatorade, no regular pop)
4. Dr visit + Denver trip + no party = CRAPPY BIRTHDAY
5. Not being able to eat / snack when he feels like it (we need to keep a regular meal / snack schedule due to insulin) we are all getting better at not grabbing a bite or a snack just because it's there.


He has had several firsts, many are mixed emotion but not self pity
1. First weekend getaway with Mom and Dad sans siblings (the initial weekend we tried to do kid friendly stuff to remind him and us KID first, diabetes second. We went shopping, to the movie, thru the "fun" car wash, played at the park, went swimming, ate out)
2. First hospital stay and sick day learning (a whole separate post)
3. First class party - one of his best buddies' parents took on the food and drink for the part to make everything Layton possible and not single him out at all. She is a close friend of mine and her actions moved me beyond words. She went above and beyond plus being a caring friend to me through everything. She has asked many questions learning along side of us knowing Layton will spend many many hours at her house playing and hanging out in the years to come.

Life will continue to challenge us. Before every shot Layton takes a deep breath and blows it out to prepare. After every shot there are high fives and hugs. After the last shot everyday I hug him and say "this is one more day down of shots" My hope and prayer each day is for strength, grace and a cure for diabetes. We authorized additional vials of blood from him for research, plus later this week Julia and Lincoln will be tested as part of a research trial. A blood test may seem harsh to some but for us it's peace of mind. An old saying "don't ask the question you don't want the answer to" this question we might not want the answer to, but we need to know.

Expect the Unexcpected

If the last 365 days has taught me anything it is to expect the unexpected. Layton turned 6 January 23rd. He was also diagnosed with Type 1 juvenile onset diabetes, same day. Friday afternoon at 2:13 pm.

Initially a huge flood of tears shared with our Dr, a fellow mother, wishing it was a different diagnosis. We spent the next 90 minutes waiting and running additional tests hoping the outcome was not diabetes. Layton watched a movie not sure why he was still sitting in the room, he was so innocent, looking forward to pizza and wings sporting his new Peyton Manning jersey. Saturday was set to be his first "friend" birthday part; a bowling extravaganza with Bronco's cake and Hug juice barrels (his favorite). I silently sobbed and prayed waiting for Evan to arrive as we could discuss the next steps. Evan arrived and we took Layton for walk to tell him; it was confusing for a 6 year old. Heck, it was a lot to process as a parent.

Our Dr came back in, luckily he wasn't in DKA so we didn't have to be hospitalized that night but did have to be in Denver by 9 am Saturday morning. Yep, MOTHER of the YEAR had to cancel his birthday party....it sucked for him and me. He has since reminded me frequently how crappy his birthday was and I agree! We did go for pizza and wings with a bonus ceremonial cupcake with 6 candles to top the night off. We shut the lights off while we lit his 6 candles, he devoured and savored the treat right down to licking the cupcake paper clean.

Saturday morning we were in for an early drive to Denver, on the road by 5 not knowing what the day and coming days would hold. We attended class with three other families who had children also diagnosed on Friday, we quickly bonded and became cheerleaders for each other! Saturday was "survival" training. What is Type 1, what is insulin, how do you check blood sugars using a meter, how do you administer insulin, what is glucagon, and the list goes on, in 5 short hours we received an enormous amount of data pertaining to Layton and his new lifestyle! We were then turned loose for the rest of Saturday and Sunday set to return Monday morning for additional classes. The first day we fumbled through, figuring out how to run the meter, administer shots, timing food, new snacks, exercise, playtime, maybe eat a balanced diet (kinda laughable being on the road in a hotel) but we stuck together, bonded and learned together.

Saturday night was the first time Layton had felt full and thirst quenched for a few weeks. Plus he was dry all night long, it was amazing how quick he came around. After the initial tears, meltdown and anxiety of testing and the first shot Layton has been Amazingly strong and positive. he knows the shots help him  feel like his old self again. Those first two days our chatty, endless energy, wound up little man came back.

Our journey, our story with diabetes is just beginning. The first few days were a rollercoaster of emotions, we are so extremely blessed by loving, giving, caring family and friends.

Habits

Hello? Hello? yes, I am a creature of habit, routine, thrive having a list, a plan and following it. Well.......we all know WHO is truly in charge! The last two weeks our routine has been turned on it's ear. A typical school day for me

4 - 5 or somewhere in between - feed Lincoln
6 am, wakeup, dress, empty dishwasher
6:10 wake Layton up (Julia normally pops out of her room too)
6:20-6:40 breakfast, pack lunches
6:50 (give or take 8 minutes) Layton on the bus to school. Me, enjoy my coffee
7:20-8 - daily cleaning, make beds, start laundry, fold laundry from night before, usually while talking with my sister or Dad
8-8:30 - deep cleaning task (vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, blog (yes I know weird to classify as a deep cleaning task but it works in my neat little world)
Rest of morning play with Julia and Lincoln (play, paint, dress up, giggle, dance, read,snack time and Lincoln morning nap)
Lunch
Cartoon
Naptime for Julia and Lincoln (I kick into gear with supper prep, running my Mary Kay business, bookwork, returning calls, maybe a little reading for pleasure)
Play until Layton gets Home!
5 - Layton HOME, then usually 30 minutes of homework and spelling words
Supper
7 pm baths,bed and book for Layton and Julia followed by Lincoln
8 pm finish supper dishes, pick up, prepare for next day
9-10 relax!

WAKE UP, REPEAT...until wheat drilling season, sickness, travel, or 100 other things interrupt. The kids and I really like going to help Evan with work at the farm, servicing tractors, moving fields, checking fields, shop time. He doesn't expect much heavy lifting from us but does enjoy the company from time to time. Plus being at the shop gives me and excuse to clean vehicles out, watch the bucket calves, get Julia more bike riding time, enjoy the fresh air!

My body likes routine and schedule, it makes me happy and at peace. Next challenge is for me to get outside workout time into the schedule (walking or jogging) every day!