How's Layton?

In the next few posts my blog is turning into my personal online diary of sorts. My mind and soul sometimes just needs to "talk it out" yes, I talk to myself frequently (and my sister too)! Full conversations at times, yes, me being my own therapist!

How's Layton? Layton has shown such amazing strength, resilience, tenacity, adventure, courage, he is wise and mature beyond his years (yes, he can slip into behavior reminding me he's 6 and a little boy yet) he has made my heart swell with pride, love, compassion and everything good a mother can say about her child. We have had a few bumps in the 4 week road with diabetes but Layton has handled each one with grace. Layton has taught me how to be strong and push self doubt to the side. In 4 weeks, he has only had 5-6 bouts of self pity and sulking - less than 1 hour in total combined length. Me....I've shed hours worth of tears for him.

His self pity bouts are 100% human, normal and natural and very far and few between...
1. The realization Type I diabetes is forever. Frequent blood tests and shots are a new normal.
2. No one gave him diabetes and he can't give anyone diabetes.
3. No more liquid sugar (no fruit juice, no Gatorade, no regular pop)
4. Dr visit + Denver trip + no party = CRAPPY BIRTHDAY
5. Not being able to eat / snack when he feels like it (we need to keep a regular meal / snack schedule due to insulin) we are all getting better at not grabbing a bite or a snack just because it's there.


He has had several firsts, many are mixed emotion but not self pity
1. First weekend getaway with Mom and Dad sans siblings (the initial weekend we tried to do kid friendly stuff to remind him and us KID first, diabetes second. We went shopping, to the movie, thru the "fun" car wash, played at the park, went swimming, ate out)
2. First hospital stay and sick day learning (a whole separate post)
3. First class party - one of his best buddies' parents took on the food and drink for the part to make everything Layton possible and not single him out at all. She is a close friend of mine and her actions moved me beyond words. She went above and beyond plus being a caring friend to me through everything. She has asked many questions learning along side of us knowing Layton will spend many many hours at her house playing and hanging out in the years to come.

Life will continue to challenge us. Before every shot Layton takes a deep breath and blows it out to prepare. After every shot there are high fives and hugs. After the last shot everyday I hug him and say "this is one more day down of shots" My hope and prayer each day is for strength, grace and a cure for diabetes. We authorized additional vials of blood from him for research, plus later this week Julia and Lincoln will be tested as part of a research trial. A blood test may seem harsh to some but for us it's peace of mind. An old saying "don't ask the question you don't want the answer to" this question we might not want the answer to, but we need to know.

Expect the Unexcpected

If the last 365 days has taught me anything it is to expect the unexpected. Layton turned 6 January 23rd. He was also diagnosed with Type 1 juvenile onset diabetes, same day. Friday afternoon at 2:13 pm.

Initially a huge flood of tears shared with our Dr, a fellow mother, wishing it was a different diagnosis. We spent the next 90 minutes waiting and running additional tests hoping the outcome was not diabetes. Layton watched a movie not sure why he was still sitting in the room, he was so innocent, looking forward to pizza and wings sporting his new Peyton Manning jersey. Saturday was set to be his first "friend" birthday part; a bowling extravaganza with Bronco's cake and Hug juice barrels (his favorite). I silently sobbed and prayed waiting for Evan to arrive as we could discuss the next steps. Evan arrived and we took Layton for walk to tell him; it was confusing for a 6 year old. Heck, it was a lot to process as a parent.

Our Dr came back in, luckily he wasn't in DKA so we didn't have to be hospitalized that night but did have to be in Denver by 9 am Saturday morning. Yep, MOTHER of the YEAR had to cancel his birthday party....it sucked for him and me. He has since reminded me frequently how crappy his birthday was and I agree! We did go for pizza and wings with a bonus ceremonial cupcake with 6 candles to top the night off. We shut the lights off while we lit his 6 candles, he devoured and savored the treat right down to licking the cupcake paper clean.

Saturday morning we were in for an early drive to Denver, on the road by 5 not knowing what the day and coming days would hold. We attended class with three other families who had children also diagnosed on Friday, we quickly bonded and became cheerleaders for each other! Saturday was "survival" training. What is Type 1, what is insulin, how do you check blood sugars using a meter, how do you administer insulin, what is glucagon, and the list goes on, in 5 short hours we received an enormous amount of data pertaining to Layton and his new lifestyle! We were then turned loose for the rest of Saturday and Sunday set to return Monday morning for additional classes. The first day we fumbled through, figuring out how to run the meter, administer shots, timing food, new snacks, exercise, playtime, maybe eat a balanced diet (kinda laughable being on the road in a hotel) but we stuck together, bonded and learned together.

Saturday night was the first time Layton had felt full and thirst quenched for a few weeks. Plus he was dry all night long, it was amazing how quick he came around. After the initial tears, meltdown and anxiety of testing and the first shot Layton has been Amazingly strong and positive. he knows the shots help him  feel like his old self again. Those first two days our chatty, endless energy, wound up little man came back.

Our journey, our story with diabetes is just beginning. The first few days were a rollercoaster of emotions, we are so extremely blessed by loving, giving, caring family and friends.

Habits

Hello? Hello? yes, I am a creature of habit, routine, thrive having a list, a plan and following it. Well.......we all know WHO is truly in charge! The last two weeks our routine has been turned on it's ear. A typical school day for me

4 - 5 or somewhere in between - feed Lincoln
6 am, wakeup, dress, empty dishwasher
6:10 wake Layton up (Julia normally pops out of her room too)
6:20-6:40 breakfast, pack lunches
6:50 (give or take 8 minutes) Layton on the bus to school. Me, enjoy my coffee
7:20-8 - daily cleaning, make beds, start laundry, fold laundry from night before, usually while talking with my sister or Dad
8-8:30 - deep cleaning task (vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, blog (yes I know weird to classify as a deep cleaning task but it works in my neat little world)
Rest of morning play with Julia and Lincoln (play, paint, dress up, giggle, dance, read,snack time and Lincoln morning nap)
Lunch
Cartoon
Naptime for Julia and Lincoln (I kick into gear with supper prep, running my Mary Kay business, bookwork, returning calls, maybe a little reading for pleasure)
Play until Layton gets Home!
5 - Layton HOME, then usually 30 minutes of homework and spelling words
Supper
7 pm baths,bed and book for Layton and Julia followed by Lincoln
8 pm finish supper dishes, pick up, prepare for next day
9-10 relax!

WAKE UP, REPEAT...until wheat drilling season, sickness, travel, or 100 other things interrupt. The kids and I really like going to help Evan with work at the farm, servicing tractors, moving fields, checking fields, shop time. He doesn't expect much heavy lifting from us but does enjoy the company from time to time. Plus being at the shop gives me and excuse to clean vehicles out, watch the bucket calves, get Julia more bike riding time, enjoy the fresh air!

My body likes routine and schedule, it makes me happy and at peace. Next challenge is for me to get outside workout time into the schedule (walking or jogging) every day!

End of Summer

End of Summer is bittersweet! Cooler temperatures are on the way! Wheat is cut! Milo is growing! Garden is producing! Kids are back to school :(. Fair time has came and went! :( .

Layton started kindergarten earlier this week, he is rocking it (in my opinion). So far (three days in) no trouble, seems happy, and enjoys going each morning. He is liking lunches, his teacher and recess is the favorite subject of the day. Also to those who know him, he is wearing shorts! Strange for him but it has been hot, hot hot.

Julia, Lincoln and I are still working to find our routine. We all have breakfast together then Layton is off to the bus. My goal is to have supper ready in the oven or crockpot during afternoon nap so after school we can play!! It's a work in progress but we will find a groove! I might be the odd parent out, but I really enjoy having all the kids home together playing and fighting with each other.

Lincoln turned 6 months old! He weighed in at 17lbs 9 oz. He has started eating cereal, vegetables, bananas, and applesauce!

Rooks County Free Fair was last week, another first without Mom. The kids took their bucket calves and did well. It was my first time pulling the stock trailer and we had no issue! After I decided keeping up with the flow of traffic was more important than gas mileage. It was a busy, crazy few days but I loved every minute. The fair is a good time to catch up with many friends, see how things have changed, eat good food, and for me volunteer to give back to the 4-H kids. The kids had fun, Papa had fun and I'm very thankful and blessed my sister and brother in law came to help with Lincoln! Three kids, two calves and a stroller get a little tough to maneuver. Going home it was three kids and three calves! We added Spots to our growing herd.

Signing off for now, please say a prayer for those sick, grieving the loss of a loved one, those searching for answers and trying to find their way. We don't know what others are going through and wouldn't want to walk a mile in their shoes so don't judge; be kind, be patient, and be tolerant.

Happy Birthday

**Written 8/5, posted 8/20

Happy Birthday tomorrow Mom. I love you, miss you, and long to talk to you each day. To just hear your voice one more time or tell you about the craziness of the kids. So much as changed in 5 months since you went home yet so much as stayed the same.

The kids did so well last week showing their bucket calves, I was so stressed and worried; then they surpassed what I ever thought they could. Dad laughed about how tightly wound I was. Julia had to pee half way through trying to get out of talking to the judge, she told him her name was "little girl" she must not have liked him much. As she came out of the show ring, she dropped Lily's lead rope, ran to Papa and jumped into his arms saying "I did it papa, I did it". My heart was bursting with pride, I never knew how much I could love my kids. Layton did so well, he was perfect, he will be my little showman who will get overlooked for the cute little girls.

Evan and Layton has been sick. True to form, Evan's isn't just something easy to find...Doc thinks it might be west nile, she ran blood tests, ua, and chest xray. He is on the mend, fingers crossed his platlets stay normal.

Lincoln turned 6 months old today. He had his first vegetables, peas, from the garden. He really liked them...he was cranky today, must have another tooth coming. He loves his siblings to pieces, lights up to watch them play, loves to giggle and play peek a boo and his johnny jumper. He especially likes Julia to build blocks near his jumper to sneak over and knock them down.

Layton stayed at the farm with grandma to help make salsa. We enrolled him in kindergarten today. My little boy will be in school ALL DAY starting in 13 days..I'm not ready, excited for him though. He has buddies in class, it will be an experience for his teacher. Friday night he said "so you later" to his best buddy Colton. They are moving back to Oklahoma for his Mom to go to nursing school. I admire her for taking the steps, but will miss them to pieces. My heart broke when Layton said "colton, I will miss you so much" he loves and cares so deeply for others and is such an intense little guy.

Next week we head up there for fair, taking the calves. it will be an experience, most things are with the kids. Bec will be there to help with Lincoln. Dad even remembered to buy arm bands for the carnival!

Election was today, the next few hours will tell Dad's immediate future. If he wins, he might hang up the route bus keys, that has been a long time coming...I'm waiting to hear something like an expectant parent.

As I sit hear crying thinking back to all the birthdays we celebrated or didn't do much for. The most memorable has to be your 50th we had cake during fair cleanup...I also went and forgot about Linda's yesterday...she will hopefully forgive me..

Love you and miss you. Please keep watch over us as we heal everyday forever.

Time Marches On

Time Marches On! Summer is waning to an end, only slightly over 3 weeks until school begins again. Layton will be in kindergarten, all day, away from us...SO.NOT.READY. I love having my kids at home, yes they make messes, lots of noise, ask thousands of questions, argue, fight, don't always listen, but I love them and love spending time with them, knowing they are close to me.

We have had Lincoln almost 6 months, he's eating cereal once a day. Growing so fast, starting to jabber (yes, it's in their DNA, evan hasn't been received a quiet kid :) ) and thinking about rolling over. He is marching forward!

Julia, dear sweet, lovely Julia. She's so matter of fact and honest and truthful. I'm so happy she is home with me for another year!

Time is marching on, we still have a load of things to get done this summer.
*County Fair x2, the kids get to show their bucket calves at Tribune, then we will travel to Stockton. *Carnival with best buddies in both places too!
*Roast Marshmellows, we have done that once in the mountains
*SWIMMING
*Lake Time
*Outdoor waterbed
*Back to school shopping
*Say "see ya soon" to one of Layton's best buddies as his family embarks on a new journey in Oklahoma
*Laugh, play, make memories together to hold onto forever

Dad has been telling us about trips he and Mom talked about taking, most (ok, basically all) they never got to. There were always excuses, the farm, needing to care for parents, dogs, time, kids, money...He realizes so much time marched on and the future is uncertain, he is starting to live more, travel more, making plans to see many of the places they dreamed of seeing together. She will be watching over all of us as time marches on.

Take note, love deeper, say yes more often, hug, kiss, live more!

Powdered Milk

Everyone hoards something, it seems to be human nature. You have that one, two (or many) items you can't quite rid yourself of. The item may be "just in case", "maybe I'll use it", "maybe it will fit", or a various version. This week has been cleansing in a sense for me. 7 years ago, we moved into the country and spent most of that summer paining, repairing and preparing. This week was the first time since then to paint. The back entry, bathroom, Julia's room and Layton's room all got a new coat of paint. The entry stayed almost the same color, the bathroom became stormy blue gray, the kids rooms though tugged at me emotionally. When we moved I painted the north bedroom a soft buttery yellow, a gender neutral nursery room. I even told my mother in law the intentions, she was so excited! The south room as a celery green, neutral to add color accents to....as the kids have grown up, their interests have increased, and we personalized their rooms to them. Julia chose PINK and Layton NEW HOLLAND BLUE. My babies are growing up, their rooms, personalities, vocabularies, and love show that.

Lincoln turned four months old! He is a happy, joyful baby for me. A true delight and love.

Mom has been gone for three months now, there have been so many, many things to share with her..Mom, I know you hear me talking to you, love you and miss you every.single.day. Dad is trying so hard to keep up with the mowing, farming, grandma, puppies, birthdays, household stuff...he really misses you too.

Powdered Milk, my mother hoarded it. Evan and Bryon (her son in laws) moved it three times during the remodeling project, but she would never let them throw it out...it has become a running joke. Next time the freezer gets low enough we can find it, it will be a ceremony to sprinkle it like ashes!  Last night I threw my "powdered milk" out...frosting from Layton's birthday cake. For some reason, each year after decorating the birthday cake I have an extreme difficulty throwing out the leftover frosting. Each year I swear it will get used on another cake, in cookies, several different projects, but it never does!! It has become my powdered milk.  Yes I shed a tear thinking of mom and laughed at how silly hoarding frosting is.

May you look at your powdered milk, love it, cherish it, laugh at it, understand it, hold on to it, or let go of it..it will always be a memory forever etched in our brains.